Welcome to Sat K’s Monthly,
a satirical slant on our silly society.
- Sat K’s Monthly is meant for a mature audience. Mature excludes anyone who hasn’t traveled outside their own opinion. I’m just saying.
Where Are We Coming From
For security reasons, Sat K moves around alot.
Sat K’s Monthly could be coming from virtually anywhere in the world or anywhere in the virtual world.
Like this episode may be coming from your local garden supply store.
Ah, gardening where we keep up the pretense that we actually like nature. Mind you, it’s our version of nature. We can get rid of bugs, weeds – anything representing true natural diversity and independence.
Gardening – The chance to compete with your neighbours and fantasize about being master of your universe. Good times!
We May have the product for you!
And say, are you one of those people who sees a well-manicured lawn as your constitutional right. Are you pissed that tree-huggers are stopping you from using your old brand of weed killer? Do you resent those bylaws that say you can’t keep weeds out by building a 30-foot high wall?
Well, we may have the product for you.
Try our new high-tech, state of the art, top quality yet affordable Blow Them Away Weed-whacking Weaponry.
Grab a beer, sit in your lawn chair, and blow those weeds away with our perfectly legal semi-automatic sniper rifle. Our special ammo is designed to penetrate deeply into the soil in order to limit those pesky pedestrian-killing ricochets.
And remember, for more fun, before you point and shoot, give each weed a name, like someone who disagrees with you politically.
“Blow them away” because your world ought to have only the grass you want.
This month’s “Could have been News!”:
It seems that DNA testing shows that certain Europeans have vestiges of Neanderthal DNA. So a group called Neanderthals Now has formed to reclaim their cultural heritage and traditional rights.
Earlier this month, this group shut down a pre-school art class. They claimed the class was culturally appropriating Neanderthal art.
And besides their pre-school was built on disputed traditional Neanderthal territory.
The Pre-school sent out a simple press release stating, “We aren’t fighting a bunch of Neanderthals.”
Call to Action – Supporting Sat Ks Cause of the Month
Summer is almost upon us. And with summer, comes the age-old problem faced by pale skinned people – sunburn. Sunscreen isn’t a viable option anymore. Recent studies indicate it can be harmful to the environment.
However, the colour white reflects sunlight and is a viable alternative. So here is this month’s support opportunity for you loyal Sat K followers.
Be a pal. Help those in need to protect themselves from the harmful rays of the sun and other sources of illumination.
Take some cheap white sheets and make these into full body-covering robes. For head-coverings, add a matching pillow-case with eyeholes or just get a white scarf. Then pass these out at your local gated community or conservative party headquarters.
And remember, giving is more meaningful when done anonymously. So please don’t mention our name.
This Month’s Feature Post
– Another Excerpt of Tales of the Oubliant
Sally remained my only contact with the Oubliant, a lost tribe in the tropical rainforest of Northern Saskatchewan. In exchange for a couple of traditional jelly doughnuts, she enlightened me on her tribe’s remarkable cultural practices. However, no doughnuts, no talk!
I once asked Sally about her tribe’s spiritual practices.
The Oubliant’s beliefs were based on the notion of “better safe than sorry”. The Oubliant were prepared to entertain most any religious practices. Mind you, they did draw the line at whipping oneself and on knocking on doors.
Beyond that they believed the greatest powers came from the earth itself. They held particularly strong beliefs in the innate power of precious metals and rectangular shaped paper. They felt these were made even more powerful when hidden away in locked cast-iron strong boxes. That way their powers were less taxed.
The Oubliant didn’t embrace the concept of heaven. That’s because the Oubliant were good at spotting a scam. They figured that most people preaching heaven in the afterlife were lining their pockets in their current life.
There was no Devil in Oubliant Theology, although Sally admitted that she would pretty well sell her soul for a regular supply of Jelly doughnuts.
Hell to the Oubliant was mosquito season.
As far as a moral code went, the only major sin was trying to start a religion.
Beyond that, the Oubliant followed their version of the golden rule “Do unto others as you would do unto yourself.” That rule didn’t extend though to S&M.
Unlike many other peoples, they didn’t have a human manifestation of God. However Sally did say she would like a statue of that little fat guy with the smile for her garden. Her second choice was a gnome.
They didn’t have dietary restrictions either. Their saying was “food is food to a starving person”.
When I asked about whether they had written their beliefs down, Sally looked puzzled. She said it wasn’t that hard to remember how to be a good person.
All I could say was “Amen to that”.
So that’s it for this issue of Sat K’s Monthly, just one part of The Possible Ks family.
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