Welcome to Sat K’s Monthly,
a satirical slant on our silly society.
Sat K’s Monthly is meant for a mature audience. Mature excludes anyone who watches “soft-core” porn. I mean, “soft-core” porn? What’s the point? It’s like going to a pastry shop and asking for something without sugar? I’m just saying.
And, on a shameless plug note, check out Kevin McGill’s “Canadian? Me? – Celebrating Life in This Land Together”, avaliable at smashwords, iBooks Amazon Kindle, Barnes and Noble and other fine eBook retailers.
Where Are We Coming From
For security reasons, we move around alot.
Sat K’s Monthly could be coming from virtually anywhere in the world or anywhere in the virtual world.
Like this episode may be coming from a garment district sweatshop. We don’t have to worry about government intrusion here. No government officials ever check up on places like these. The government’s job is to try to stop illegal migrants from crossing the border, not stop businesses from using them.
Somehow government’s feel that they stand a better chance of finding a handful of people at night in the dark across a thousand mile stretch of sage and desert than find a busload of them entering a rather large building in the daytime.
And somehow sales data in comparison to labour costs and reportable income at tax time doesn’t seem to raise any red flags either
So if you are looking for a cheap undocumented alien to use as a nanny just head on down to your local sweatshop. There are plenty of them and I’m sure the bosses won’t miss just one or two.
We May have the product for you!
Say, are you one of those people who worries that most other drivers are either stoned or suffering from dementia? Well, we may have the product for you.
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Slowpokes? Speed-demons? Our deluxe package comes with a computer hacking device that links into the other car’s cruise control. Other cars go the speed that you damn well want them to go.
Get your friends to purchase a package and you can play bumper cars for real on the highway.
Get Outa My Way because, statistics show, that most accidents are caused by other drivers.
This month’s “Could have been News!”:
The school board in remote rural Brambleford Manitoba agreed this month to phase in non-gender bathrooms in all its schools. All urinals will be replaced with toilets.
The policy needed to be phased-in, as it would take some time to purchase the new toilets, to get them delivered and then installed by the only plumber in the district. Thankfully, this will also provide time in the Boy’s Phys. Ed classes to teach the boys how to hit the target, so to speak.
The one dissenting voice was Henrietta Dykstra, who personally thought that adding urinals to the girls’ washrooms would have made for better sport. Her offer to demonstrate the concept was declined.
Call to Action – Supporting Sat Ks Cause of the Month
This month’s support opportunity for you loyal Satirical K followers arises from what seems to be a total lack of coping resources for the traumatized. It seems that even the mere mention of a traumatizing event will send some people into the darkest of places from which they may never return … until the topic comes up again which will set up another round of enabling protests.
A case in point is a prominent University barring a lawyer from speaking to a criminology class about a high-profile sexual assault case. Speaking on behalf of the traumatized, a group forced the university to cancel the seminar, curtailing freedom of expression and, more importantly, access to knowledge, in the interests of protecting people from discomforting thoughts.
Sat K empathizes. Sat K also finds many, many today that create a pronounced “scream and go hide” response. This is particularly related to recent political protests on both sides of the political spectrum.
So here’s what you can do. Go through your neighbourhood and look for anything or anyone that might trigger sadness or fear in any individual who may have had something unhappy happen to them. If you find something or someone offensive, destroy that something or that someone.
If you are caught, just plead guilty and take your punishment. That way there will be no public fuss to upset anyone.
And keep doing this until this country has things like, say, mental health services or self-help supports or tons of books on cognitive restructuring coping techniques.
Remember, there is still nothing more important than making someone else feel totally comfortable in their own little world.
This Month’s Feature Post
Another Installment of Contacts with The Oubliant
For my next meeting with Sally of the Oubliant, I brought the jelly donuts – the good kind, raspberry-filled, granulated sugar frosted.
I asked Sally about the name Oubliant.
She replied, “Huh?”
I said, “You know, your tribe’s name.”
To which she replied, “Huh?”
I then realized that Oubliant was to her what Eskimo is to the Inuit, something that others call you. It’s like Western Canadians referring to some Eastern Canadians as “Torontonians”, which means “ignorant, greedy, baby-killers, sucking the lifeblood out of the West”.
I asked what her tribe called themselves.
Sally said they didn’t have a tribal name. They hardly even used individual names. They often used hand signals instead.
For instance, if you wanted to get someone’s attention, you stuck out your index finger and wiggled it towards you. If there was some confusion about whom you meant, you frowned and waved your fingers in a dismissing fashion and then pointed again.
If a person didn’t seem to be paying attention, you curved your index and middle finger over your thumb, placed a small rock between them and connected said rock to the forehead of the person who was ignoring you.
Good aim was integral to good Oubliant communication.
Children were given numbers. This was consistent with the Oubliant practice of ZPG-a (Zero Population Growth – Adults).
Rather than limiting the number of children a couple could have, the family limited the number of adults a family could have. The limit was 6.
So, say you had 3 children. When the third child reached the age of adulthood, the number of adults in that family could still only be 6. If there were more, someone would have to go. This could be achieved any number of ways and sometimes necessitated getting someone’s attention by a considerably larger rock.
So yes, you could have as many kids as you wanted. However, you only got enough food to comfortably feed two. Some families were skinny, others not so much.
I was to visit with Sally many more times. And if I wanted her to talk, I brought donuts.
So that’s it for this issue of Sat K’s Monthly,
just one part of The Possible Ks family.
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Have the month you are going to have!