Welcome to Sat K’s Monthly,
a satirical slant on our silly society.
This month’s installment features an account of my first meeting with one of The Oubliant.
- Sat K’s Monthly is meant for a mature audience. That excludes any adult who won’t try something new just because they might be embarrassed. I’m just saying.
Where Are We Coming From
For security reasons, we move around alot.
Sat K’s Monthly could be coming from virtually anywhere in the world or anywhere in the virtual world.
Like this episode may be coming from an oil field in the Middle East. I mean, really, who is going to find us here. Nobody bothers about oil from the Middle East anymore now that we’ve discovered the benefits of Fracking.
It’s not like Middle East Oil is valuable or anything. It’s all sticky and smells bad. The smoke from it would choke a camel. It’s not like water or something useful to life in the desert. It’s nothing to start a war over, no reason to create millions of refugees or kill hundreds of thousands of people.
No, we’re pretty sure we won’t be bothered here in this Middle East oil field.
We May have the product for you!
And say, would you like to spend time with other adults in the evening or on weekends … without feeling pressured to use alcohol or other drug? Well, good luck with that!
On the other hand, if you want to enjoy yourself in a sober environment and don’t want to go to a twelve-step meeting, we may have the product for you. It’s our high-tech, state of the art, top quality yet affordable spin-the-wheel game – “The Pleasure Of My Own Company”.
Just spin the TPOMOC needle and see where it lands. It could land on any of several meaningful adult do-it-on-your-own activities. The needle could land on read a book, watch an old classic movie, have a hot bath, go to bed early or the ever popular “invite someone over even though they are not likely to come because there won’t be drugs”. There’s even a naughty category, although that has only one suggestion.
TPOMOC because, really, adults aren’t meant to spend that much time together sober.
This month’s “Could have been News!”
Twelve-year-old Sonny Hershingh has been appointed as Canada’s new trade minister. Sonny won the position in a public competition against more experienced, educated adults. Sonny was the only one who could convince the audience that he knew what a trade agreement was supposed to be about.
As Sonny put it, “Look I’ve got this hockey card that you want and you’ve got one that I want. Let’s trade. And if either you or I don’t want to trade, that’s okay, too.”
Sonny also felt that it was okay for his mom to help him buy his hockey cards because the other guy still didn’t have to trade. He also felt that the guy he was trading with didn’t have to come to live at his house, although the occasional sleepover would be nice.
When asked whether he would be willing to trade away his food and water, do all the other guy’s chores and give away the best cards in return for cash, Sonny just gave the questioner that patented look all kids give to adults who they think are really stupid.
Call to Action – Supporting Sat Ks Cause of the Month
This month’s support opportunity for you loyal Satirical K followers arises from the demand for sexual modesty in public. Sat K is proposing “National Men’s Burka Day “.
Yes, guys, if it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander.
Get covered up with one of Sat K’s totally drab, sexually-unappealing industrial-strength Burkas. No longer will you suffer the stares from sexually supercharged women trying to steal you from your mate. No longer will you have to worry about your wife beating you for parading your goods in the market place. In fact, no longer will you be visible as an individual in your own right.
Order your Burka today and, for a nominal fee, we will provide you with the contact details of someone who will cut off the end of your penis. That should fix those lingering libido problems!
And for all you women out there, please contact your local MP in support of National Men’s Burka Day, In the meantime, ladies, get stocked up on whips and stones because what’s good for the gander is good for the goose!
This Month’s Feature Post – Tales of The Oubliant
I first heard of The Oubliant as a young man panning for Potash along the Metismetisnaught River on the border of Saskatchewan and North Mexico.
Not having much luck I headed up the rust belt to Battleford. Finding absolutely nothing there, I followed my inner explorer to Battlehonda. There I met an old civic-minded pilot who accorded me a tale of a lost tribe in the tropical rainforest further north.
I decided to look for them.
Following his directions, I got hopelessly lost.
This was fortunate because that is the only way to find The Oubliant.
The first Oubliant I encountered was a woman. I guessed her to be somewhere between 15 and 55. She wore clothes.
At first I tried to communicate using hand signals. After about 5 minutes, she told me to stop. The hand waving was making her dizzy.
I told her that I wished to know more about her tribe. She asked me if I had any jelly donuts, the good kind with granulated sugar coating and raspberry filling.
I said no. She turned to leave.
I quickly asked her name. Her name was about 15 syllables long and roughly translates as “one who thinks she’s the only one who knows shit from a salad”. I guess that made her an Elder. I called her Sally. She called me something that translates as “mind definitely not lettuce”.
I asked whether her people had always lived in this area.
She said they originally came from a large coastal community. There they had been great traders. I asked the source of their success. She told me it was based on knowing when to trade before anyone else did. Unfortunately others felt this created an unfair advantage. They were forced to move away from the coast … quickly … in the middle of the night.
Her people came to this area about the same time that the government decided to take over control of all tribal homelands. The government wanted to teach the tribes the basics of modern capitalism, particularly the parts about the enforceability of contract law.
Along with this free education, the government allowed The Oubliant to keep a portion of their land and put the rest up for sale. The tribe would receive a percentage of the profits from that sale, sometime, once they could manage money just as well as the government. The Oubliant refused to lower their standards that far.
Luckily the Oubliant had kept many of their old traditions such as using numbers instead of names on official documents. They were able to purchase the land back at a fraction of its value. With tax write-offs and government grants they actually came out ahead.
Before I could ask anything more, Sally patted me on the head and walking away, reminded me to remember the jelly donuts next time.
Thus began my long association with The Oubliant which I will share with you here in the coming months.
So that’s it for this issue of Sat K’s Monthly, just one part of The Possible Ks family.
And hey, want to put some meaning into the holidays? Want to feel included rather than excluded? Check your on-line bookstore for the head K’s book “Canadian? Me? Celebrating life in this land together” by Kevin McGill.
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