Welcome to Sat K’s Monthly,

a satirical slant on our silly society.

  • Sat K’s Monthly is meant for a mature audience. That excludes anyone who believes that name-calling and shouting at others is acceptable behaviour for an elected official … or at the family dinner table for that mattter. I’m just saying.

Where Are We Coming From

For security reasons, we move around alot.

Sat K’s Monthly could be coming from virtually anywhere in the world or anywhere in the virtual world.

Like this episode may be coming from the downtown office of the new Safety Always Mental Health Centre.

Like all fully-government-funded programs, Safety Always focuses solely on those who are a danger to society,

Their motto is “if you aren’t a threat to us, you get nothing.”

Safety Always offers meds, meds and more meds along with a stern talking-to about continuing to take those meds and not hurting anybody.

This month Safety Always is offering the “self-radicalized” a 2 for 1 special on anti-psychotic medication. Get two free packs of meds for every detonator you turn in.

So put down that fuse and begin to use.

We May have the product for you!

And say, are you one of those people who just can’t keep up with all those TV Sports options.

It’s no longer just the Game of the Week. It’s multiple sports and multiple games, broadcast at the same time as each other, every day of the week.

Well, we may have the product for you.

It’s our new high-tech, state of the art, top quality yet affordable Don’t Bother Waiting Sports App.

DBW blocks the real-life games from entering your cable set-up or satellite dish. It replaces these with simulated games programmed by you to give you the results that you want.

Yes, your favourite team can now win every game.

Click on our special “Sensible Seasons” feature and each sport is relegated to its proper place in the rhythms of nature. Baseball goes from summer into the fall. Hockey happens in winter. Football is over by December and Basketball takes over after January.

And thanks to our patented “Schedulizer”, no two games are ever on at the same time.

And those boring Sports Experts? They are replaced at intermission time by updates on the lesser sports that you might otherwise miss like The Olympics and Darts.

Order now and we will include these exciting extras:

  • A DBW Beer Fridge specially made to house your DBW console
  • A year’s supply of Adult Diapers
  • And the speed dial numbers of our Divorce Lawyer’s Associates.

And if you do get to wondering what is happening out in the real non-sports world, DBW provides a 2-minute update on world news after each game.

Don’t Bother Waiting because Sports Lives Matter.

This month’s “Could have been News!”:

Faced with the rising costs of health care due to overall poor nutrition standards throughout the country combined with the continuing specter of homelessness, the Federal Government has quietly announced that next month it will introduce money you can eat.

You will now be able to get paid in coins made from a nourishing high-energy recipe and/or High Fiber paper money.

Either way, like the low-income folks in your community, you will have a definite choice: pay the rent or eat.

Call to Action – Supporting Sat Ks Cause of the Month

This month’s support opportunity for you loyal Satirical K followers arises courtesy of the Chinese Olympic Women’s Gymnastics team.

While watching these women (young girls) compete, a couple of them seemed really, really young.

Now the Chinese Officials contend that they can provide birth certificates proving that these girls are at least sixteen.

But, come on. Look at them!

However, that’s not the worst of it.

We are informed that these 16-somethings had to leave their families in order to train.

This wasn’t, like, for a few months. They hadn’t seen their families in years.

Our hearts cry out for them.

We would like to give these youngsters a better option than those nasty old gymnastics routines.

So we are looking to start China’s first “Child Beauty Pageant”.

Yes, the children will still be exploited but at least they will see their parents because, like here, it will be their own parents exploiting them

We will accept all major credit cards, traveller’s cheques and even untraceable cash.

Our slogan for this will be “you are never too young to make someone else happy.

This Month’s Feature Post

And here’s the scene at the Worker’s Communal Labour Day Prayer Service held at the Local Union Hall …

Prayer Leader:

Let us pray.

The Assembled:

Um … (Um is like the traditional meditational “Om” but more cautious and non-committal. It is said while scratching one’s chin instead of touching one’s fingertips.)

Prayer Leader:

Our Lord,

Steward: (steps forward)

Or, hey, really, we are prepared to deal with any and all supreme beings or supernatural entities, male, female or other.

The Assembled: (Shaking their heads in general agreement)

Um …

Prayer Leader:

Please hear our prayer.

Steward:

And that means recognizing the words, phrases, and sentences as complete ideas rather than just background noise that you, as management, sometimes have to sit through.

The Assembled: (Considered)

Um …

Prayer Leader:

We give thanks for the bounty we have already received as we humbly ask for your continued blessings.

Steward:

Such blessings would, of course, include a modest wage increase adjusted to the cost of living, a comprehensive benefit plan, an extra weeks vacation, job security provisions, extended parental leave, beefed-up health and safety rules

… and access to a full pension while we are still healthy enough to enjoy it.

The Assembled: (Definite)

Um …

Prayer leader:

Idleness being the root of moral and spiritual decay, deliver us to the satisfaction that comes from steady work and a job well done.

Steward:

And deliver us from over eager young workers who believe that they can make their whole life’s earnings in just a couple of years by working fast and sucking up to management.

Deliver them to a true glimpse of themselves twenty years later, still in debt and needing the damn job, their bodies breaking down with age, and faced with an unimpressed management wanting to replace them with eager young workers.

And, get us to our pensions in time.

Prayer Leader:

Grant us the sense of true self-worth such as can only be derived from meaningfully contributing to our communities and our society in your name.

Steward:

And grant us relief from PCF’s (power and control freaks) and other middle-management suck-ups who, in various committees, focus groups and task forces, plan our work for us in accordance with their own emotionally-disturbed, perfectionistic and simplistic world-view.

Deliver them back to the shop floor where they will spend the rest of their lives working according to the nonsensical, demeaning, soul-destroying and often dangerous policies that they thought were so right for us

… and where they can kiss our ass instead.

And, get us to our pensions in time.

Prayer Leader:

Help us to lead our lives so that the world is better for our passing.

Steward:

Specifically deliver us from anyone who wants us to produce, distribute, promote or otherwise expose all of us to substances carrying warning labels that say that the damn stuff is too dangerous to be around in the first place.

Deliver them to an isolation room where they can take a daily bath in nuclear waste and sip on toxic milkshakes.

And, get us to our pensions in time.

Prayer Leader:

Guide us by your steady hand to safe haven.

Steward:

And steer us away from management efficiency types and corporate-funded politicians who close down businesses at home in order to support third-world sweat-shops and then wonder why there is no one to buy their products thereafter.

And while you’re at it, deliver us also from having to work for our bosses’ spoiled brat children, mistresses, drinking buddies or other genetically-challenged pals and relatives who drain the company finances and send the business into receivership.

Deliver them all to an extended time on unemployment to see just how they like it.

And, get us to our pensions in time.

Prayer Leader:

Give us the strength to follow your golden rule, to do onto others as we would have them do onto us, to practice tolerance and even-handedness in all our affairs.

Steward:

And help us to use that strength to smite down anyone who thinks that we workers were put on this earth to make them rich and powerful at our expense.

And, get us to our pensions in time.

Prayer Leader:

For these thy blessings may we give our heartfelt thanks.

Steward:

And a reasonable dues to cover any negotiating costs including the establishment of head and regional offices, the annual convention and a string of lawyers to handle all the labour tribunal cases that arise from our struggle to

… get to our pensions in time.

Prayer Leader:

Forever and ever

Steward:

Or, at least for a minimum three-year contract, with a no strike/no lockout clause and a 6-month layoff notice job security guarantee.

The Assembled:

And?

Steward:

Oh, yes, and get us to our pensions in time.

The Assembled:

Amen

So that’s it for this issue of Sat K’s Monthly, just one part of The Possible Ks family.

A posting from Kevin McGill’s The Possible Ks

Canadian Satire, Poetry, Social Justice Commentary & Inspiration

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